DECK THE WALLS: SKATEBOARDS AS DECOR – THE HORROR!

There’s really no excuse for this. Unless it’s a college dormitory or your parents’ basement or the living room of a pro skater or the place of business for somebody connected to the skateboarding industry (and by extension the surf industry), skateboards as decorative wall art is no bueno, brah!

You see, savvy reader, once you’re past a certain age and a certain living circumstance (i.e., you’ve moved out of your college dorm room or parents’ basement into your own apartment or one-bedroom condo) your choice of decor and artwork should show that you’re adulting, and we mean adulting hard!

You should be hanging some real artwork on your walls. If you have a spare $450 million lying around for a rare Leonardo da Vinci painting, well, that would be a good start. But you’re practical — you don’t throw around that kind of money on a painting (which is possibly a fake anyway) even if you have that kind of money.

Think more along the lines of some tasteful framed black-and-white photography. Or a framed Shepard Fairey poster or a signed and numbered Mr. Brainwash print. Even framed covers of vintage 1970s Playboy or New Yorker magazines is acceptable. Do you notice a trend here? The word “framed” is key.

But skateboard decks! No! If you’re Tony Hawk, then it’s ok. Are you Tony Hawk? No, you’re not (unless, of course, you are Tony Hawk — Tony, is that you? Hey, bro! Are you reading our blog? — OMG, Tony, you’re so awesome, bro!!!).

If you’re Banzai Bowls, a fine establishment and purveyor of smoothies and açaí bowls in the picturesque seaside hamlet of San Clemente, California, then it’s also acceptable to hang skateboard decks on your walls (see photos above and below).

They can do it because they’re part of the surf-skate culture and San Clemente is a serious surf-skate town, if not the modern American surf-culture capital, and their establishment is one of the go-to apres-surf hangouts for many a skater and many an exhausted and famished surfer seeking sustenance after hours in the water, “charging the gnar-gnar,” as it were.

But you? Me? No, don’t try this home.